When God Speaks Through Pandora.

     There are times that I feel separated from God. This week has been one of those weeks. I feel alone and misunderstood. I try to be strong and hold it all together, but I eventually break. My most recent break down took place in my car on the highway. I was driving and I started sobbing. I was driving, sobbing, and yelling at God. I asked him why I felt like this. I told him how far away I felt and how all I wanted was to be close to him again. 

     I turned on my Pandora Radio, and after a few songs of driving, crying, and praying, I was quiet. The song that played next can only be explained as God speaking. The song that played is called "Little Light" by Matt Hammitt and Audrey Assad. I listened, and then five words popped out at me. 

"God is near little girl."

     God is near little girl. GOD is NEAR. God doesn't leave. I stray. He stays near to me even when I take my own path. I am his daughter. He loves me enough to break me so that I will look to him. Then, he can get me with five words. My daddy is near because I am his little girl. I AM HIS. 

     He stays near and waits for me to run back into his arms so that he can hold me. The song goes on to say his tender hands are holding you tonight. His heart is RAVISHED when you look at him. God is here little light. 

     My God loves me. I am his little girl and his little light. He has called me to shine a light in the darkness. He shines his light through me. I am worth so much to him, even if the world tells me I'm not. Sometimes I just need to run to my daddy so that he can hold me close to him. I need him. I need him more than anything in this world. I need him more than acceptance. I need him more than friends. I need him more than all earthly things. I need him more than everything that I've put before him for so long. 

     My life's purpose is to fulfill God's plan for me. My plans mean nothing. His plans mean everything. For me to fulfill them however, I need to always be in the presence of my father. I need to glorify him in every single thing that I do. Sometimes, I just need to let him hold me so that I can be his little light. 

Becoming Diamonds.

     Sometimes I don't understand why things happen. I don't understand why there is darkness in a world that my perfect God created. I don't understand why there is poverty or why there is so much hurt. I don't understand why my life gets turned upside down and shaken around.

If God is so perfect, why do so many bad things happen?

     God is so misunderstood. We as people are not perfect. He as God is perfect. There is no way that we can even fathom how perfect he is. Since he is perfect, his way is perfect. Our imperfect minds can't see how perfect his path is. Sometimes all we can see is evil, darkness, and pain. When we see the world from our imperfect perspective, we don't understand God's greater plan. We get discouraged and try to quit. We stop in a place of darkness, and then we feel stuck. God sees us in this place and urges us to move forward. He knows that once we get past the darkness, there will be light. 

     God told Joshua and the Israelites that to get to the promised land they had to march around Jericho once a day for six days and then on the seventh day to march around it seven times and then the priests had to blow their horns and everyone would shout. Then, the walls would come down. The people didn't understand how this was going to work. They wondered why God would tell them to walk around a city a bunch of times. They didn't think that they were ever going to get to the promised land. They didn't understand why God didn't just go ahead and knock down the wall. They were his children after all. Some of the Israelites might not have stuck around for the wall to come down. They might have quit on the fifth day because they were tired of walking around a wall day after day. They didn't understand why they had to struggle so much. 

     The story goes on to say that they stuck it out and marched until the walls came down. They trusted God and his plan even though it sounded really crazy. Sometimes, we just need to keep going. We might be on day six of our "march" and the walls will be coming down tomorrow. We have to stick it out and trust in God's sovereignty. He knows best. 

     Before diamonds become diamonds they have to be heated and squeezed. If this process didn't happen, they would never become diamonds. Our struggles are our heat and pressure. God is using them to strengthen us so that we can become beautiful diamonds. He knows what he is doing. 

     Struggles won't last forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we just need to get there to see it. We have to keep moving forward. God is always by our side even when we can't feel him. He is faithful. We are his beloved children. He knows our hurt. He knows us inside and out. Even in the most lonely of times, we need to remember that God's way is the best way. He knows exactly what is best for us. Life may hurt and shake us up, but it's all apart of our journey to become diamonds.

Single Awareness Day.

     Oh, Valentines Day. A day where people in relationships make it even more obvious that they are in a relationship. A day of love and kisses and gifts and chocolate. I repeat, CHOCOLATE. For some of us however, it is a day of loneliness. There is no significant other in our lives to make us feel self-assured. 

     I as one of these people have decided that Valentines day is awesome. Here's why:

1. Seeing as I have no boyfriend, I don't have to buy him anything. I don't have to go spend money on some boy, because he doesn't exist! How great is that! I can buy stuff… FOR MYSELF!!
2. I don't have to revolve my life around some boy because he wants to go somewhere. I can do whatever I please! If I want to watch a movie, I CAN! If I want to rock out to Disney Pandora in my kitchen, I CAN! If I want to go swimming in winter, I CAN! (But I probably won't.. It's cold.)
3. I don't have to dress up for some boy to take me on some date. Stretchy pants FOREVER.
4. I don't have to worry a giant teddy bear type thing because my boyfriend thought it would be "cute." Newsflash… Too much fluff.

                And Last but not least…

     5. Jesus is my valentine, and he says I can have as much chocolate as I want.

     So next time you are totally aware of your singleness, remember that Jesus loves you and one day won't make a difference, no matter how pink and red that one aisle in Wal Mart is. 

Give Thanks.

       Thanksgiving is this week. The holiday is centered around thankfulness. It is a time when we give thanks to God for everything he has given to us. I am so incredibly thankful for what he has blessed me with. He has given me the chance to go to Peru twice, and to get to go to Costa Rica and Belize next summer to do his work. He has given me wonderful friends, a roof over my head, and many other things. I know for a fact that I am a favored child of God. He has blessed me so much. 

       Sometimes however, I don't feel as thankful as I should. Instead of thanking God I question him. I wonder why certain things happen to me. I don't appreciate the things he has given me. I want to do things my way instead of his way. I wonder why he has placed me in the position that I am in. I wonder why he stuck me where I am. I wonder why things don't turn out how I feel like they should. I wonder why I feel so trapped. I don't understand why I feel so heartbroken. 

       "Why" is a stupid question. "Why" gets in the way of everything. "Why" forces us to dwell on the things we can't control. "Why" lets the devil in. When we ask "Why" we start to doubt. We doubt God's love for us. We doubt that he cares about us. Instead of asking "Why" we need to ask "What's next?" God has a plan. His plan is so incredibly perfect that we can't comprehend its greatness. God is great and perfect, so his plans are great and perfect. He knows what's best when we don't. 

       Even in the hard times we should thank God. We should thank God for every breath we breathe in. We should thank God for every sunrise we wake up to. We should thank God for every day that we live, because it could very well be our last. No matter how bad things get, God is with us every step of the way. He loves us so much that he wants to be with us. We are his children. No matter what we do, he will still love us. 

       So I am thankful for the oxygen in my lungs. I am thankful that I can sing praises to my wonderful God. I am thankful that he gives me hope. I am thankful that he lets me keep waking up. I am thankful that I can live in a place where I can freely worship him. I am thankful that I am safe. I am thankful that I have been set free. I am thankful that my God will hold me in his arms when I just need to cry. I am thankful that when things get tough he will carry me. I am thankful that he leads me every step of the way. When things fall apart, my God is the only thing holding me together, and for that I give thanks. 

I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High. (Psalm 7:17)

Meeting the Finish Line.

       My uncle died a few days ago. I didn't know him very well, but sitting in his funeral today I learned alot about what he was like from people who did know him. He loved life. He loved to laugh. The people who knew loved him to no end. I felt like I was the outsider and they were his family. His funeral wasn't sad. He didn't want it to be. He wanted it to be a celebration. It's like running a marathon and finally making it to the finish line. You celebrate when you complete the race. 

       Some races are harder than others. In some cases people speed through the race without a care in the world and make it there first. They live life purely for enjoyment, even if what they are doing isn't right. They want to get the most out of life, but to do that they take the wrong path. They take a shortcut and then their race is over sooner. They take the easy path of parties, drunkenness, and many other things so that they can have the most "fun" possible. This shortcut has long-term effects that bring them to the finish line way sooner than they would like. Their race is over, and they can't change it.

      Others start their race and get lost. They accidentally turn on a path that goes through forests of thorns. They don't understand why their path is so hard to go by. They blame God for their tough path. They don't see that at the end of their path is life. They don't see God's beauty in the hard, ugly times. They go down the path for a while and find a broad path that seems to be filled with flowers and sunshine. It looks good compared to the path that they have been going by for so long. They see others going down this new path and they seem to be so happy. After being on the path of thorns for so long, these people take off running down the broad path. This path is the same shortcut that the other people took. This path leads to CERTAIN DESTRUCTION. 

       Others find themselves on a path that has a few thorns, but they find that there is someone on that path to help them. That person is Jesus. Sure there are thorns along the path from time to time, but with their new found running partner, they can work through them and trust that fighting through the thorns will only strengthen them. They can see the beauty in all things. They know that all things will work out. They know that when they arrive at the finish line, they will be rewarded, and the reward will be great. They not only completed the race, but they won the race. They may not have finished first and there were some struggles along the way, but the reward is great. 

       We need to stay on the path that leads to righteousness. We need to trust God during all of the hard times. He will take care of us. We need to help others find the right path and help them work through the thorns. We need to be able to meet the finish line and have pride in the way our race has been run. So let's run the race, and have it glorify our wonderful father.

He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake. Psalm 23:3

You Are BEAUTIFUL.

       I'm going to let you know upfront... this post is a rant. Not a stupid rant like, "Oh my gosh. I went to make some toast this morning and somebody got crumbs in the butter. I make wheat toast and those crumbs were definitely white bread crumbs. I just can't stand people and the world is so unfair because there are crumbs in my butter!" No. Can you say first world problems? Save the drama. This rant is about how there are so many young girls who can't see how BEAUTIFUL they are. 

    I see these girls on a daily basis. They've been shown all their lives what "Beauty" is, but what they've seen isn't what true beauty is. They see models and actresses. They see skinny. They see flawless.

      When they see things like this, they look in the mirror and they don't measure up in their own mind. They think that they can't measure up. They think that they need to change themselves. They go to extremes so that they can "fix" themselves. They can't look in the mirror and see what God sees. They don't see God's beautiful creation.

      It breaks my heart when I see girls who don't see the truth. I mean, how can you look at something that God made with incredible detail and not find it beautiful. When God made you, he made you with purpose. Everything about you is how he wanted you to be. Every little detail is his doing. You are beautifully and wonderfully made! You are made in HIS image and HIS likeness! 

     However, I have been on the other side. I have failed to see the beauty that God made. All I saw was an imperfect, flawed person who could never measure up. I couldn't find any worth in myself. I put my worth in what other's thought of me instead of how much my heavenly father loves me. I believed the lies that Satan whispered into my ear. He told me that I was ugly. He told me that no one could ever love me. That's when I let God in and let him change my heart. He changed how I saw myself. He showed me that everything I let myself believe was a lie. He healed all of my brokenness. He showed me that real beauty isn't what's on the outside, but what is within. I am a beloved child of God, and that is all I need to know. When I look through my father's eyes, I am free. Free of expectations, fear, sadness, and hate. It doesn't matter if I never become "flawless" or "perfect". God CHOSE me. He WANTS me. That alone makes me worth more than gold. 

"You'll be a slave to nothing." -Holly Starr

The Season of Waiting.

     Waiting stinks. Bad. That's where I am right now. In the "Season of Waiting". Sometimes I feel like there's no way that God can use me where I am. However, it is incredibly clear in his word that he can and WILL use me. I'm at the point where I want him to use me, but I don't know how he's going to do it. I feel so inadequate while I'm waiting. I feel like I've been put on hold, even though I know I haven't been. It's difficult to wait.

     I'm waiting for answers. I want to know what I'm supposed to do and where I'm supposed to be. I can be impatient from time to time. So waiting... Not my strong suit. In the process of waiting however, I'm starting to learn some things. 

It's not all about me.

     I've been waiting to figure out what I'M supposed to do and where I'M supposed to be. I need to keep in mind that it is how HE will use me and where HE wants me to be. I need to be living my life for HIM instead of for myself. I need to glorify him in everything that I do no matter what. 

      Waiting is incredibly painful for me. I don't always know how much longer I can last. I know that God doesn't just want to make me squirm, he has an incredible purpose for me to live out. It just isn't the time for me to figure it out yet. My pain will make me stronger. It will help me to grow. Waiting is obviously not comfortable, but there is no growth in the comfort zone or comfort in the growth zone.

     While I'm waiting, I know that I can put my hope in God, because he knows me. Inside and out. He has a plan in store for me. My future is bright with God's light shining the way. While I wait, I'm going to help people see that light. Because that is what God calls us all to do. Love his creation and help his children find him. This call is never going to change. God pours his love into us and we need to pour that same love into others. 

     When waiting, we still need to move forward, even when it isn't easy. We have to finish this race that God has set before us. Every step we take needs to bring us closer to God. His answers will come. Through everything, we need to trust him. He's still holding onto us. He's not going to leave us. His plan is PERFECT. He is PERFECT. Even when we don't understand where our path is going or why there is a blockade in our way, we can lean on his perfection and know that everything is going to be okay.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1"