You Are BEAUTIFUL.

       I'm going to let you know upfront... this post is a rant. Not a stupid rant like, "Oh my gosh. I went to make some toast this morning and somebody got crumbs in the butter. I make wheat toast and those crumbs were definitely white bread crumbs. I just can't stand people and the world is so unfair because there are crumbs in my butter!" No. Can you say first world problems? Save the drama. This rant is about how there are so many young girls who can't see how BEAUTIFUL they are. 

    I see these girls on a daily basis. They've been shown all their lives what "Beauty" is, but what they've seen isn't what true beauty is. They see models and actresses. They see skinny. They see flawless.

      When they see things like this, they look in the mirror and they don't measure up in their own mind. They think that they can't measure up. They think that they need to change themselves. They go to extremes so that they can "fix" themselves. They can't look in the mirror and see what God sees. They don't see God's beautiful creation.

      It breaks my heart when I see girls who don't see the truth. I mean, how can you look at something that God made with incredible detail and not find it beautiful. When God made you, he made you with purpose. Everything about you is how he wanted you to be. Every little detail is his doing. You are beautifully and wonderfully made! You are made in HIS image and HIS likeness! 

     However, I have been on the other side. I have failed to see the beauty that God made. All I saw was an imperfect, flawed person who could never measure up. I couldn't find any worth in myself. I put my worth in what other's thought of me instead of how much my heavenly father loves me. I believed the lies that Satan whispered into my ear. He told me that I was ugly. He told me that no one could ever love me. That's when I let God in and let him change my heart. He changed how I saw myself. He showed me that everything I let myself believe was a lie. He healed all of my brokenness. He showed me that real beauty isn't what's on the outside, but what is within. I am a beloved child of God, and that is all I need to know. When I look through my father's eyes, I am free. Free of expectations, fear, sadness, and hate. It doesn't matter if I never become "flawless" or "perfect". God CHOSE me. He WANTS me. That alone makes me worth more than gold. 

"You'll be a slave to nothing." -Holly Starr

The Season of Waiting.

     Waiting stinks. Bad. That's where I am right now. In the "Season of Waiting". Sometimes I feel like there's no way that God can use me where I am. However, it is incredibly clear in his word that he can and WILL use me. I'm at the point where I want him to use me, but I don't know how he's going to do it. I feel so inadequate while I'm waiting. I feel like I've been put on hold, even though I know I haven't been. It's difficult to wait.

     I'm waiting for answers. I want to know what I'm supposed to do and where I'm supposed to be. I can be impatient from time to time. So waiting... Not my strong suit. In the process of waiting however, I'm starting to learn some things. 

It's not all about me.

     I've been waiting to figure out what I'M supposed to do and where I'M supposed to be. I need to keep in mind that it is how HE will use me and where HE wants me to be. I need to be living my life for HIM instead of for myself. I need to glorify him in everything that I do no matter what. 

      Waiting is incredibly painful for me. I don't always know how much longer I can last. I know that God doesn't just want to make me squirm, he has an incredible purpose for me to live out. It just isn't the time for me to figure it out yet. My pain will make me stronger. It will help me to grow. Waiting is obviously not comfortable, but there is no growth in the comfort zone or comfort in the growth zone.

     While I'm waiting, I know that I can put my hope in God, because he knows me. Inside and out. He has a plan in store for me. My future is bright with God's light shining the way. While I wait, I'm going to help people see that light. Because that is what God calls us all to do. Love his creation and help his children find him. This call is never going to change. God pours his love into us and we need to pour that same love into others. 

     When waiting, we still need to move forward, even when it isn't easy. We have to finish this race that God has set before us. Every step we take needs to bring us closer to God. His answers will come. Through everything, we need to trust him. He's still holding onto us. He's not going to leave us. His plan is PERFECT. He is PERFECT. Even when we don't understand where our path is going or why there is a blockade in our way, we can lean on his perfection and know that everything is going to be okay.

"I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1"

Lost.

     One word that would describe my first day back to school would be, LONG. This morning feels like it was ten years ago. I am so incredibly exhausted. I didn't die, so that's good. Today was pretty okay. It was better than I thought it would be.

        Walking down the hallways, all day, I saw people who just looked lost. Not just the occasional Freshman with their head in their schedule looking for a room number, but people I see everyday. Some were lost in themselves. All they were concerned about was how they looked, who was looking, how awesome their first day of school outfit was, among many other things. They could barely look up long enough from their mirrors or their phones to see the things in life that truly matter.

      Others were lost in the world's expectations. They feel like they have to live up to this image, or they don't matter. They feel like they have to be someone that others feel is worthy of friendship. They don't act like themselves because they feel like they aren't good enough. They want to win the affections of the people around them, when in reality, they are enough.

     Some were lost in the shuffle. They walk down the hallway looking at the floor. They feel beaten down. They feel as if nobody notices them. They feel invisible. They are sad because they are all alone, with no one to go to. No one to confide in. They have no one to love them for them. They are just lost in the shuffle of life. Thrown in and forgotten about.

     I think we have all been lost at one point in our lives. We may not have even noticed how lost we were. We just think that we are living life. Some of us have been so lost that we don't think that we can bear it anymore and just quit. We think, "Nobody cares. So why bother?" But quitting just buries us in our lostness. It keeps us from ever being FOUND.

For the Son of Man came to seek and save the lost. (Luke 19:10)

           Even when we feel alone and lost in this crazy world, we can trust God to find us. We are his beloved children and he wants us. He has CHOSEN us. No matter how lost we get, he will always find us. No matter what.

I will give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. (John 10:28)

Numero Uno.

       So... This is my first blog post. This blog if anything, is a place for me to let out my frustrations, joys, and sadness, along with my ADD thoughts. So if you're reading this, go for it. Be enlightened. If you're not... then whatever. Do your thing.

       I'm going back to school soon, and I can't say that I'm excited about it. I feel like that scared little kindergarten kid crying in a corner, except that I'm a Junior in High School. (Okay maybe it isn't that serious...) But seriously, I'm not ready to go back. The exhaustion from school mixed in with crazy, girly emotional swings just makes it UNBEARABLE. Sometimes it's hard to just stop and breathe. Sometimes everything is so chaotic, and my mind is racing making it IMPOSSIBLE to sleep, so I just lay there and cry. But here's the cool thing, the game changer. My God is with me ALWAYS. No matter how crazy it gets, no matter how unbearable I think my life may be, God is there. He lets me stop and breathe. 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)

       God has put me in these situations for a reason. I may not be able to comprehend those reasons at the moment... But there are reasons nonetheless. He has put me here on this world, in this town, in this home, to be his light in the darkness. He has put me here to bring honor and glory to him. He has put me here to bring people to him. Because people need him. This world needs him. All the way from Peru, to Costa Rica, to Uganda, and to this little town in Texas. 

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:19-20)

       God is going to be with me everywhere I go. He is my father and he loves me. He is going to be with me during the happiness and the laughter as well as the sadness and the tears. He is going to help me grow into the woman he wants me to be. He may have to put me through the flames to do that, but there will be beauty from ashes. With him, I will overcome. But sometimes to do that, you need to just stop and breathe.

I have told you these things so that you may have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! For I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)