Nostalgia.

nos·tal·gia

A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with 

happy personal associations.

    There are some days when I miss my Costa Rica team more than others. Today is one of those days. I miss how we could laugh together about most anything. I miss our "Team One Chant" chant and our synchronized swimming. I miss how we were always there for one another. I miss how simple life was when we were together. I miss all the different personalities that made up our team. 

    The word nostalgia comes from the Greek. It has two parts. Nostos meaning "return home" and algos meaning "pain". When translated into German, the word means "Homesickness". So in short, I miss my FAMILY. 

    In two short weeks, this group of strangers became my family. They showed me love and kindness, and they continue to inspire me even when we are apart. When we were together, for the first time in a while, I didn't feel like my world was going to fall apart. They gave me hope. 

    God knew exactly what he was doing when he knit our team together. He knew that this team was one that would lift each other up and help each other grow. He knew that this team was exactly what I needed. God used these people to help me realize that I am deeply loved. He used them to show me that I am not alone, and that I have value. 

    I love our dysfunctional  awkward, crazy family, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I love each and every one of them with all of my heart. Every single one of these people are crazy beautiful, and I am so grateful that God placed them in my life. 

Shelby, Tori, Brenda, Steve, Kristen, Kelly, Ben, Papa Rich, Chris,
Zach, Brooke, Amber, Becca, Grace, Rachel, Josiah,
Caitlyn, Chelsea, Margi, Liz, Me, Gracie, Linnea, Jordyn, Lizzie, Jaelyn,
Janet, Brady, Makayla, Josh, Jordan, Ben, Kali, Caleigh, and Emily. 

 

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 

Romans 12:10

I Survived.

     I survived the first week of school. I survived the tears, stress, anger, exhaustion, and work that came with it. I thought that my senior year was going to be easy! I thought wrong. I seriously am about to have a nervous breakdown. My eye has been twitching nonstop for about a week. On the bright side, I didn't die. 
    I have a feeling that this year is going to be different. In the past, my high school experience has been pretty awful. Things happened that would push me down to a place where I hated being, but I couldn't come out of it. I felt stuck. No one was there to help me out of the hole I had fallen in. I was alone, and it was dark. 
    This year, I am leaving the past in the past. I can see a light. There's no more, "doing it on my own." I know that I am loved. I know that I am needed. I know that I am important. It is so hard being in a place where you have no clue what to do. However, sometimes God puts you in places like that to help you realize what he is trying to tell you. He sometimes has to go to huge measures to show you what he wants for you. We just need to start paying attention even when things seem hopeless. God has shown me so many things in the past year. He has constantly showed me things that I need to change in my life in order to be closer to him. Sometimes it hurts when he shows me things, but I've survived. 
    The hole I was in is starting to get smaller. The dark is becoming light. It is getting easier to climb out of the hole I've been in, because now I can see a hand reaching down to me to help. God has been placing so many different people in my life that care about me and love me. He is also bringing back people who loved me before, but I just couldn't see it because of the darkness in my hole. "I can't get out" is no longer an excuse. I refuse to retreat back into myself and hide. I've been hiding for way too long. I don't want to "Just get by." I want to live life fully. I want to love outrageously. I want to do what God made me to do, and he didn't make me to hide. 
    I survived. I've survived the pain, the sadness, the hurt, the dark, and everything in between. And each day that I survive is a reason to be joyful. I am going to keep learning, because God is still showing me how things should be. He is showing me how to live, and helping me to survive. 

Live BIG. Live LOVE. Live REAL. Live LIFE.

Being the Soldier.

    In Costa Rica and in Panama, we did a drama called, “Spellbound”. “Spellbound” puts the story of the Gospel into terms that everyone can understand. It starts out with a toymaker and his son who created two toys. These toys were persuaded by the Evil Magician to eat from a tree that The Toymaker and his Son told them not too. This created a barrier of sin between the toys and The Toymaker. The Toymaker continued to make toys, but they were still separated from the Toymaker. The toys were all tempted by the Evil Magician, because of the separation. This created chaos. A group of cats came and beat up the toys leaving them broken and sad. The Toymaker then decided to send his son beyond the barrier to help the toys. The Son was then born to a toy, the Spanish Dancer, and grew up to fulfill his father’s plan. He went to the toys, and fixed the ones that were broken. Soon after he was betrayed by one of the toys, and the cats came and nailed him to a cross. The son died, but to the Evil Magician’s dismay, came back to life. Some of the toys accepted him and moved beyond the barrier to be with the Toymaker, but others rejected the Son and didn’t get to be with the Toymaker.

    This year, I had the privilege of playing the part of the Soldier. I absolutely loved it. There were certain attributes of the Soldier that I want to apply to my life. The soldier was a toy just like the others, but the soldier stood out.

    The Soldier was BRAVE. When the cats came in wreaking havoc, the Soldier stood up to them. The Soldier tried to fight against the darkness. He ended up getting his leg broken in the process, but he still fought.

    The Soldier BELIEVED. When the Toymaker’s son came to the toys, he began to fix the brokenness in the toys. The Soldier had faith that he could be fixed by the Toymaker's son. He believed that the Toymaker's son was the real thing. 

    The Soldier was COMPASSIONATE. When the Toymaker's son died, the Spanish Dancer was heartbroken. The Soldier saw that she had a need and comforted her. The soldier didn't just leave her there to cry, he had compassion on her. He helped her. He showed the love that we should all show to others.

    The Soldier ACCEPTED. When the Toymaker's son came to the Soldier, the Soldier accepted him. He didn't reject him. He knew that the Toymaker's son was somebody special. He knew that he was who he said he was. The Soldier knew that he couldn't do it on his own. He needed the one who made him. 

    This is the Gospel. We were in sin, and God sent his son to save us. We need to BELIEVE, and we need to ACCEPT him. Once we do that we can answer his call. To love his children with his love. We need to be COMPASSIONATE and BRAVE. We need to fight against the darkness no matter what the cost. I have scars from being the Soldier in the drama, but that didn't stop me from being the soldier. Life leaves us with scars. Life beats us down and tries to break us. We can't let that stop us from living fully for Christ. We can't let the bumps and bruises stop us in our tracks. We need to continue to live big, live love, live real, and live life. 

BE THE SOLDIER.

Pros.

    I've been home for a few days now, but it seems like it's been forever since my trip. Most people who know me know that if I were given the choice between being out on the mission field and being here at home I would always pick the field. So, in an effort to better my attitude, I've made a Pros and Cons list of being home, except without the Cons.

1. The water pressure in my shower is fantastic.
2. I get to see my friends.
3. I can listen to Pandora because it is available in America. 
4. I have unlimited access to a washing machine.
5. I can sleep late. (Sometimes…)
6. I don't need wifi to use my phone. 
7. I don't have to worry about whether or not water is purified, because it always is. 
8. I don't have to worry about flushing toilet paper. 
9. My pets are here.
10. My musical instruments are here.
11. If I get sick I can go to the doctor.
12. I can drive here. 
13. Everything is in English.
14. ChikFilA.
15. Every bathroom I go to will have access to toilet paper.
16. I can sing in the shower.
17. There are options for breakfast that aren't eggs.
18. I smell better now that I've been home for a while.
19. I sleep alone in my own bed.
20. My clothes don't smell like old suitcase.

    Being home isn't the easiest thing for me, because I'd rather be reaching out to the nations. However, there are people right here at home who need to be reached out to. My home is my mission field right now, and I need to let God use me. Sometimes God chooses to bring us to other countries to be his hands and feet, but sometimes he needs us to stay right where we are so that we can do his will. God's plan is perfect, and all we need to do is trust it. God knows exactly what he's doing. He knows what we need, and what others need. He knows what is going to help us grow. Even if it is staying still and following him no matter what. I will follow my savior to the ends of the earth, but sometimes I just need to follow him home.

The Things I've Learned.

     Over the past five weeks, I’ve been with Never the Same Missions in Costa Rica, Panama, and South Africa. God has revealed so many things to me during this time. This summer has truly been life changing. God showed me so many things that will forever be in my heart. So, here are a few of the things God has taught me in these past weeks.

·      Seeds Are Important:

Our team in Costa Rica didn’t see as many salvations as other teams did, but that’s okay. God’s will is going to be done. We are called to LOVE. When we love with Christ’s love, things will start to stir. God CAN and WILL fight for himself. He decides to use us to spread his “seeds”. If seeds aren’t planted, a plant will never grow.

·      Love Outrageously:

Love should have NO BOUNDS. We should love people unconditionally. We need to love like a child. While in Africa, we could be walking down a street, and children would come from all directions jumping into our arms to love on these strangers they had never met before. I’m not saying we need to go jumping into the arms of strangers, but what we should do is love people. No matter the circumstance.

·      Seek God in EVERYTHING:

We don’t have to figure things out by ourselves. Life is going to get hard. That’s not something we can fix. The only way we are ever going to be able to get through the tough stuff is with God. A friend of mine put it like this, “When we give things to God, we can’t do it with our palms up. When our palms are up, the things in our hands are still in our control. We need to surrender things to God with our palms down so that whatever he wants to stay will, but it’s all in his control.” We need to seek GOD’S will. Not our own. God IS and ALWAYS will be in control.

·      God’s Beauty is Everywhere:

God created this world to glorify himself. No matter where you look, his glory is shown. It is shown in sunsets, oceans, trees, breezes, birds, children, beaches, rain… His beauty is so amazing. The proof of his existence is in everything you see. God handcrafted everything you see.  If you want to see what God can do, just look around.

·      God’s Love is INFINITE:

My favorite story from Costa Rica is that one day, my friend Chelsea wanted to go talk to a man who had been watching our drama. I went with her, and she talked to him for a little bit in Spanish. At some point, she needed a translator, so our friend Janet came over to our group. We found out that the man we were talking to felt like he couldn’t have a relationship with Jesus because he smoked Marijuana. I had just been standing there listening. I’m not the best at talking to people, but I started to talk. I told him about Judas, and how even though Jesus knew that Judas was going to betray him, he loved him anyway. I told him that there was nothing he could do that would make God love him any less, and that nothing could snatch him out of God’s hand. After I had told him this, I realized that this was something I needed to listen to as well. God loves me so much. There is nothing I can do to change that. I need to look to God when I’m feeling unworthy or useless so that he can show me my worth. I am his beautiful creation, and his love for me is so much greater than I could ever imagine.

·      You Can be a Light Without Knowing:

God can use you in many ways. He can use you in obvious ways, and also is not so obvious ways. When you live your life for God, people will take notice. They will see something different in you. We need to strive to live in a way that honors our Savior.

So here is my challenge to myself and to others:

Live big. Live love. Live real. Live LIFE.

When God Speaks Through Pandora.

     There are times that I feel separated from God. This week has been one of those weeks. I feel alone and misunderstood. I try to be strong and hold it all together, but I eventually break. My most recent break down took place in my car on the highway. I was driving and I started sobbing. I was driving, sobbing, and yelling at God. I asked him why I felt like this. I told him how far away I felt and how all I wanted was to be close to him again. 

     I turned on my Pandora Radio, and after a few songs of driving, crying, and praying, I was quiet. The song that played next can only be explained as God speaking. The song that played is called "Little Light" by Matt Hammitt and Audrey Assad. I listened, and then five words popped out at me. 

"God is near little girl."

     God is near little girl. GOD is NEAR. God doesn't leave. I stray. He stays near to me even when I take my own path. I am his daughter. He loves me enough to break me so that I will look to him. Then, he can get me with five words. My daddy is near because I am his little girl. I AM HIS. 

     He stays near and waits for me to run back into his arms so that he can hold me. The song goes on to say his tender hands are holding you tonight. His heart is RAVISHED when you look at him. God is here little light. 

     My God loves me. I am his little girl and his little light. He has called me to shine a light in the darkness. He shines his light through me. I am worth so much to him, even if the world tells me I'm not. Sometimes I just need to run to my daddy so that he can hold me close to him. I need him. I need him more than anything in this world. I need him more than acceptance. I need him more than friends. I need him more than all earthly things. I need him more than everything that I've put before him for so long. 

     My life's purpose is to fulfill God's plan for me. My plans mean nothing. His plans mean everything. For me to fulfill them however, I need to always be in the presence of my father. I need to glorify him in every single thing that I do. Sometimes, I just need to let him hold me so that I can be his little light. 

Becoming Diamonds.

     Sometimes I don't understand why things happen. I don't understand why there is darkness in a world that my perfect God created. I don't understand why there is poverty or why there is so much hurt. I don't understand why my life gets turned upside down and shaken around.

If God is so perfect, why do so many bad things happen?

     God is so misunderstood. We as people are not perfect. He as God is perfect. There is no way that we can even fathom how perfect he is. Since he is perfect, his way is perfect. Our imperfect minds can't see how perfect his path is. Sometimes all we can see is evil, darkness, and pain. When we see the world from our imperfect perspective, we don't understand God's greater plan. We get discouraged and try to quit. We stop in a place of darkness, and then we feel stuck. God sees us in this place and urges us to move forward. He knows that once we get past the darkness, there will be light. 

     God told Joshua and the Israelites that to get to the promised land they had to march around Jericho once a day for six days and then on the seventh day to march around it seven times and then the priests had to blow their horns and everyone would shout. Then, the walls would come down. The people didn't understand how this was going to work. They wondered why God would tell them to walk around a city a bunch of times. They didn't think that they were ever going to get to the promised land. They didn't understand why God didn't just go ahead and knock down the wall. They were his children after all. Some of the Israelites might not have stuck around for the wall to come down. They might have quit on the fifth day because they were tired of walking around a wall day after day. They didn't understand why they had to struggle so much. 

     The story goes on to say that they stuck it out and marched until the walls came down. They trusted God and his plan even though it sounded really crazy. Sometimes, we just need to keep going. We might be on day six of our "march" and the walls will be coming down tomorrow. We have to stick it out and trust in God's sovereignty. He knows best. 

     Before diamonds become diamonds they have to be heated and squeezed. If this process didn't happen, they would never become diamonds. Our struggles are our heat and pressure. God is using them to strengthen us so that we can become beautiful diamonds. He knows what he is doing. 

     Struggles won't last forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and we just need to get there to see it. We have to keep moving forward. God is always by our side even when we can't feel him. He is faithful. We are his beloved children. He knows our hurt. He knows us inside and out. Even in the most lonely of times, we need to remember that God's way is the best way. He knows exactly what is best for us. Life may hurt and shake us up, but it's all apart of our journey to become diamonds.

Single Awareness Day.

     Oh, Valentines Day. A day where people in relationships make it even more obvious that they are in a relationship. A day of love and kisses and gifts and chocolate. I repeat, CHOCOLATE. For some of us however, it is a day of loneliness. There is no significant other in our lives to make us feel self-assured. 

     I as one of these people have decided that Valentines day is awesome. Here's why:

1. Seeing as I have no boyfriend, I don't have to buy him anything. I don't have to go spend money on some boy, because he doesn't exist! How great is that! I can buy stuff… FOR MYSELF!!
2. I don't have to revolve my life around some boy because he wants to go somewhere. I can do whatever I please! If I want to watch a movie, I CAN! If I want to rock out to Disney Pandora in my kitchen, I CAN! If I want to go swimming in winter, I CAN! (But I probably won't.. It's cold.)
3. I don't have to dress up for some boy to take me on some date. Stretchy pants FOREVER.
4. I don't have to worry a giant teddy bear type thing because my boyfriend thought it would be "cute." Newsflash… Too much fluff.

                And Last but not least…

     5. Jesus is my valentine, and he says I can have as much chocolate as I want.

     So next time you are totally aware of your singleness, remember that Jesus loves you and one day won't make a difference, no matter how pink and red that one aisle in Wal Mart is.